Have you ever sat down and asked yourself where the time went? What gave it the right to move on without consulting you? What gave Life the right to somehow move on and leave you behind?
That’s how I have been feeling lately.
I wake up every morning, I do what I do (which most times is just waste time), I wait for the day to end and then I enter my bed to sleep. I pray to God that He not let me die that night before I’m sorted with Him and I wake every morning grateful that He has given me one more day to live.
You might wonder why I cannot then sort out my issues with Him and have done. I wonder about that too…. Many times a day, at that.
People have said to me that I’m an intellectual being as in bright. I tend to agree on good days. On my not so good day I realize that it’s not so much that I am bright, I have just managed to perfect the art of sounding intelligent.
The trick, after all, is not to convince other people that you know what you are talking about, but to fool yourself into believing you know what you are talking about.
If you can convince yourself that you don’t care what other people say about what ever random subject they chance upon, you are half way there. They can talk about the red planet for all you care and you will still convince yourself that you are an authority on the matter when all you have to go on is some bad movie you watched about 6 years ago aptly named “Red planet” as well.
So I sit here and ask myself why it is that after so many odd years I have nothing to show for this wisdom, intellect, wit and what not? Why is it that after so long I cannot look at my life and say “well done kid?”
Why is it that I am coming up short?