She went to the party, her room mate was going…. she figured she might as well. The party was happening at the church, only nice christians at this party, and she could do her assignments before she was forced to become out going and find a “brother” to dance with. She had realised long time ago that she was not the prettiest of the bunch or the most approachable so she had taken it upon herself to find someone.. anyone. She had decided she was not going to wait around to be asked any more.
She does her work with her room mate and some other class mate. Across from them are some guys doing work as well. She knows one of the guys( Sam). She has seen him around. She thinks he is not all he appears to be but then again, “certain Christians” rarely are. She knows its an unfair tag but from her experience, the loving Christ and serving Him part she totally understands and agrees with. Its the greed and manipulation part clothed in “good christian” that gets her goat so she knows not to just take things at face value.
she finishes up and walks around looking for someone to dance with. Everyone she asks says no but they have such a nice time chatting that she doesnt stop to think that they said no ergo she was rejected. After numerous jokes she heads back to her roommate. Sam has changed positions and he is suddenly sitting next to her. She could care less, he is just some guy.
Her sister comes over and convinces her that they should walk home. she was done with the party, she agrees to. Sam decides to tag along. She stops to wonder why he is coming but because the answer wasnt important, she lets it go.
She is gossiping with her sister (who is ahead of her and sam) about their friend katende who has an apple tree with reeeeeeeeeeeeally nice apples. They are laughing their hearts out.
Suddenly her hand is in Sams. She thinks.. let him hold it if he has nothing to do.
Suddenly he reaches out to touch her face. She thinks.. dude, what are you doing but doesn’t move away.
He then reaches out and licks her ear. She thinks… ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! Seriously???
She turns to him and asks him what he is doing.
Sam: Baby you know what I am doing.
She: No i don’t! Cut it out.
They walk on. Her sister seems to have deserted her. He leans in again and kisses her. She pushes him away.
Sam: Why are you acting this way???
She: I should be asking you!! What are you doing?
Sam: You know i want you. Stop acting this way!
She pushes against him and says : Well i don’t want you! leave me alone!
He forcefully pulls her to him and kisses her hard. She fights back, manages to pull herself free and slaps him. He slaps her back.
In shock she says, holding onto her cheek : How could you hit me?
He, frustrated with himself for loosing control and possibly botching his plan : You made me angry!!!
She: And so you hit me??!!! What kind of man are you??? How can i expect you to defend me when you beat me down???? How can i expect you to fight for me when you cant even protect me??????
I had this dream last night. And as always im amazed how by the end of a dream you were having about random things suddenly “you” and your values become transposed into the radom events.
I want to think that I am independent enough to not succumb to violence of any sort. The thing i worry about some times is because we are human looking for “love or lust” in the wrong places, we tend to make excuses for people in our lives or people we think should be in our lives.
I hope I remember, hold onto and project the fact that whereas i want to be loved and wanted, I am worth more than a punching bag and life will go on, with or without some people.