I have lived a very wasteful life and in my more saner moments, i really couldnt care less. I am one of those people who really believe in “things will work out.” As a result, i never do anything that requires much effort and so far, my philosophy has served me well.
You may now wonder why the sudden change. Here’s some pointers…
1. I am an admitted time waster. I could give you tips. I think this condition is made worse by the fact that no body I know (who actually impacts on my life) keeps time anyway, so i figure “if you cant beat them, join them!”.
I think they call that enabling. (yeah, i been watching some movies where this seems to be the new word on the block)
I was talking to my mum over the weekend. I am currently more than 3 jobs short of where I need to be in order to enjoy this life that I am living and not just live it. As a result of this jobless state, I have a lot of time on my hands.
What do i do with this time? I waste it. I have NOTHING to show for it at the end of the day.
Normally this would not be alarming but my mum said something that actually made me think. I dont need to “have” the money now to make something of my life. I should be out their volunteering and actually meeting people. Afterall networking is the new first name. It doesnt have to be at some place thats really flashy, it just has to be some place where my skill and time is needed.
2. What will i say i did a year from now?
Easy question.. my answer would normally be… I lived through the year (which by the way i have every intention of doing, God willing).
I am growing tired of looking back and seeing the nothingness that my life is.
People list some things i have done and i dont see them as achievements… they are. I just see them as “part of my predetermined life path“.
3. I need to take control of my life. In addition to being a time waster, I am afraid of commitment. People freak and think relationship phobia. Technically, everything in life is a commitment.
I am afraid of standing out and saying, i like green! Even when i do and green is the logical choice.
I am afraid of saying “this is what I can do“, you agreeing to the plan and then one morning I wake up and go like “im too lazy to do that! I think i will just chill“.
I am afraid that I know who and what I am capable of but I am just too lazy to disentangle myself from this path that I started on many years ago when it didnt really matter who i was, or what i thought… life would work out.. it always does!
4. My birthday is coming up (No, not tomorrow). I think this is the first time it has actually hit me how old i will be. My mum jokes and says she beat all of us to matrimony (yay Mum). My sister got married at about this age, my cousin (who apparently i was supposed to be fighting with in the “who will get married first war”) got married, my younger friends are married with kids before this age.. my closest friends arent (but we shall not count them, some may be commiting to things as i write).
I look back and ask … really what have i achieved?
After rumbling and more or less saying the same thing over and over again, I have resolved to make changes in my life this week.
Yes, Skunk… i know, i say this every week but since i am actually writing this on my blog, im guessing i am making a commitment of sorts.
So, on my list.
1. Become over bearingly group leader-ish in every project i land on.
2. Finish all my assigments (that I am aware of anyhu)
3. Find ways to spend my time productively e.g find those 4 jobs
5. stop whinning about things and actually make things happen (dont know how yet)
6. Write down all my ideas (apparently thats a good start point)
7. Find a church and talk to God. I think its time i let go of my handy excuse.
Wish me luck!
How are you doing? What are YOUR plans?